Attitude’s a power stronger than death

If anyone had told me a year ago that I’d sit here awaiting the arrival of 2012 with my Dad, Grandad and Gran all still living I’d never have believed them. I never, ever would have thought 2011 would end like this, and I mean that in the most positive way. Even though I suspect 2012 will be full of sorrow (because let’s face it, you can’t keep beating terminal illness forever), it will be all the better for the memory bank full of moments from 2011.

I’ve made a real effort to try and take more photos of my family this year, particularly of my Dad, and my absolute new favourite is this one of my Mum and Dad on Christmas Day.

Dad has the look in his eye which is part adoration/part glint of trouble…I can’t remember what he’d just said but I suspect he was pushing his luck in some way! As 2011 draws to a close, I am thankful for the extra time it provided us, and grateful beyond words for those people who have supported my Dad, our family or myself. There are many people, the NHS professionals, his GP, consultant, nurses, anyone who has had to try and take blood from my Dad (who has nightmare veins), the Social Worker(s…he’s on his third) from the local hospice, our many family and friends, anyone who has given blood this year, and above all else my fantastic parents themselves.

To anyone who is facing life with themselves or a family member with #cancer, or any other terminal illness, it doesn’t have to all be sorrowful or difficult, in fact in a weird way I’ve found to be a blessing, to know to pay attention and appreciate what you have. In the words of The Boss, Attitude’s a power stronger than death. Here’s to a happy and healthy 2012 for you all.

I need new knives – recommendations please!

This coming year I’m determined to do more cooking, and eat more fresh food. I used to really enjoy cooking, and have got far too lazy of late, never home from work early enough to both cooking. Well all this is going to change, pasta and pesto is no more a staple, it will instead be replaced by healthier, home cooked delights. To help me along with this mission I’ve decided I need some better knives – so I either need to sharpen the ones I have, or buy new. I asked Twitter for recommendations and thought I’d share the answers with you guys and ask for any more advice or opinions you have to offer.

(cc) on flickr by JD Hancock

Any Sharp Knife Sharpener £8.49 on Amazon and Chinese chopping knife from @davidandrew52

Wusthof from @amcunningham

Global or Titan from @scotbaston

Taylor’s Eye Witness Block from @niccombe

I’d be really interested in anyone else’s opinions or ideas for good knives to get. I’ve owned my own home for over five years now, definitely time to invest in a decent knife or two!

The truly awesome photo (well I loved it) is a creative commons offering on flickr. The photo was taken by @JDHancock and you can view the complete Little Dudes set here.

Further Recommendations:

Sabatier knives, plus 1 extra giant big one and Mino Sharp Sharpener from @annkempster

Jean-Patrique from @lillieputian

Globals plus advice to spend as much time and attention on sharpener/sharpening as knives from @paul_clarke

Payment correction due to an operational issue

A couple weeks ago I received an email from TFL (Transport for London) about a payment correction. It read as follows:

Fantastic, or so I thought, TFL are taking responsibility for some problem (which to be honest I’m not sure I’m even aware of) but I suspect it was something to do with some of the tube lines being out of sync or out of action that day. Except today I received another email from TFL, this time letting me know I’ve not collected the refund they authorised and telling me how to re-arrange collection. So, in theory this is good news, but I wasn’t aware there was a time limit on the first email, I’m not sure whether there is a time limit on the second, more importantly I don’t see why TFL can’t just apply the credit to my account without me needing to ‘collect’ it.

They should have enough data about my travel habits to spot that I don’t live in London, or to at least realise that I don’t regularly use the tube, even if I frequently do. They have enough data to know I’d only visited that actual tube station twice in the last year, they should know the station I visit most regularly is Paddington, and I would have thought that all of this is irrelevant and they could apply it remotely.

Anyhow, I’m just interested if anyone knows more about what they can or can’t do and/or what they choose to do and/or whether these corrections expire at all? As someone who doesn’t live in London but has been regularly using the tube for years, the idea of a refund is so novel I don’t want to waste it! Any ideas?

Christmas 2011 – there is no such thing as tempting fate!

Just a quick update today to let you know I can conclusively prove there is no such thing as tempting fate!

A couple weeks ago at the start of December I wrote Tempting fate this Christmas? and explained my concerns about getting too confident that we would manage another Christmas with my Dad (who is terminally ill with cancer) and my grandparents (who are in their 90s and if they’re terminally anything, it’s terminally stoic). Well we did and a great time was had by all. A couple days before Christmas the results of my Dad’s latest blood tests showed he is fighting an infection, I guess in normal circumstances this wouldn’t be great news, but in some twisted way we all took it as though it is. So far, Dad’s experience is that infections (on the whole) at the moment still seem to respond quite well to antibiotics, it meant that it wasn’t anything explicitly linked to the tumour growing/his condition worsening, and it explained why he’d been feeling rough; although in true Dad fashion he didn’t realise he was rough, until after he’d started taking antibiotics – he seriously should be a clinical case study in positive mental attitude.

So Christmas Day came and went without anything much of note happening. Christmas dinner with my folks and grandfolks was fantastic, managed to eat enough to last a week, my grandparents were in good form and effusive about the support my parents provide them (a relatively unusual situation) and my superwoman Mum cooked a full dinner which was followed by my Gran’s Christmas Pud – alcohol free this year (as in we didn’t light it), although she reassured me there was enough in it not to matter! It was striking seeing my grandparents out of their own environment (I usually visit them in their own home) and then seeing their confidence grow when they got home, it was also lovely to see my Mum get some recognition for all the support she provides them all year round. I suspect it’s probably a generational thing but they’re not the most forthcoming with open praise, they show their approval in other ways, but they were both positively outspoken this year, which was lovely, my Grandad claiming it was one of the best Christmas dinner’s he’d ever had (and with 93 to choose between that’s high praise indeed).

The other thing that I did a lot of on Christmas Day (in a non-morbid way) was imagine a little about how different things are likely to be next year. This isn’t a melancholic thought, so much as a practical trying-to-prepare-oneself thought process. Last year I never could have imagined we’d have another family Christmas, this year it seems like too much of a gift not to imagine what Christmas 2012 will pan out like! At the moment (high on the reality of Christmas 2011) I’m relatively comfortable with this thought process, I suspect a lot will depend on how many people will be around to sit at the table next year, something we obviously can’t predict but I’m comfortable discussing, given I’ve disproved their being any danger in tempting fate!

Two people who faced a new rendition of Christmas this year, and who were in my thoughts during that process, were Becca (whose brother was killed in Afghanistan in September) who wrote about Christmas on her new laptop:

So, although JJ’s not here, I’m pleased to say that it’s not been all too sad. He’s been talked about all day – we’ve had a few laughs and a few tears. More laughs than tears I’m pleased to say. And later on tonight we’ll raise a glass in memory to him, and to others that have not returned home to their families.

and one of my favourite bloggers, Laura, who blogs about life after her Dad died at FindingLifeInADeath. You can read her Christmas post, the neon pink Christmas tree:

We mulled our strategies for this first Christmas after dad’s death in advance, and agreed we wouldn’t try to reincarnate any other year, wouldn’t try to resurrect much-loved stories with the key character missing. It felt like time to set a new stage.

I’m not sure what Christmas 2012 will look or feel like, but at the moment I’m not too worried about it, I’m still in the throws of gratitude that Christmas 2011 went so well, that I got to sit and reminisce with both my parents and grandparents, that I got to spend it with the people that matter to me most. I take hope from hearing how other people have experienced their first Christmas without a loved one, and I hope that anyone who reads this has similarly enjoyed their own Christmas, that those who have lost someone and missed them terribly realise that life may not be the same, but it does go on, and they’d have wanted you to go easy on yourself. Happy Christmas everyone.

Favourite photo I’ve taken in 2011

Over on flickr there is a group for Your Best Shot 2011 and it got me thinking about which my best shot would be. I guess there are loads of criteria for deciding, whether it’s best composition/light/fancy camera terms, whether it’s about the people or subjects in it, the memory or occasion it reminds you of, I’m not really sure so I had a look through my Highlights set where I add my fave pics and came up with the following shortlist:

So, which (if any) do you like? Or are there other photos in my stream that you think are better? Would really love to hear your thoughts.

10 twitter hints and tips for newbies

Yesterday I had my lunch with a few colleagues from work who were interested in learning a little more about twitter, what it is, how to use it, how not to, have a play around and ask questions of someone who might have answers. I really enjoyed the hour, and was struck by some of the questions they asked – which were completely great, and reminded me of how complicated and possibly overwhelming it can be to first discover twitter.

This morning I had a conversation with @PeterWanless who is today celebrating his three year twitter anniversary; apparently I was one of the first people to help Peter get to grips with understanding twitter, so I thought I’d spend lunch today throwing together some hints and tips that might be of use to anyone who is three days in, rather than three years in. I hope what follows is of interest, would be really interested in your feedback, and any additional hints and tips.

1) There are no rules

Lots of people have ways and means of using twitter that work for them. The reality is that there are no rules. There are ideas and suggestions, but definitely no rules. So please do read, digest, act on or discard any of what follows, they’re just ideas, for twitter to be of use it needs to work for you, so make your own rules!

2) You don’t need to read it all

Someone asked yesterday how I kept on top of my twitterstream and I realised that I take it as a given that I don’t! I assume popular items will be retweeted lots, thereby appearing in my stream regularly, but I definitely miss more than I catch on twitter at the moment. I tend to check twitter when the kettle is boiling/coffee is brewing in the morning, nearly always pop on at lunch, and have a scan early evening – but I definitely don’t read it all.

3) Nothing is private

Yes, you can have private accounts, and you can direct message (DM) someone, however, I’d stick with the assumption that anything that goes online could come back to haunt you! If you wouldn’t say it to your mum, or your boss, you probably shouldn’t share it with twitter. That said I do have private conversations via DM, confident in the knowledge that if they were ever found to be public, the context is what’s key – and it is an intentionally private conversation.

4) Following people is key

Twitter is a safe, but lonely place, of you aren’t following anyone. In fact if you aren’t following anyone you’ll see nothing. It is quite unlike any other network I’ve been involved with, the beauty of twitter for me is that you can connect with complete strangers, without asking their permission, or without trying to find a tenuous connection. I heard it recently described as like swimming, you don’t get it until you jump in – so just try.

5) Don’t be too self conscious, engage in the conversation 

Not dissimilar to the last point, in my own experience the value of twitter comes from the interactions, from the people you meet and the connections you make. It’s just like a conversation in real life to some extent, don’t worry too much about what to say, just talk to someone. If someone says something (it appears in your stream) that you have a view about – you might agree, disagree, find it funny, know of something useful they might be interested in – say so, let them know, and hopefully they’ll get back to you and before you know it, the conversation has started.

6) Don’t worry too much about your follower numbers and you don’t have to follow someone back

It’s not a popularity contest, and it doesn’t really matter whether you’re followed by five people or five thousand people, in my opinion the value comes from the quality of interactions and experiences you have. Some people can get quite hung up on the number of people following them, but it really doesn’t matter. We also had a discussion about manners – while some people might like you to follow them back if they follow you, there really is no requirement to do so – it’s back to hint one, there are no rules. So don’t feel obliged to follow any one.

7) Think about your manners

I’m not going to say mind your manners, because I’m not your ma and it’s not for me to tell you how to behave. That said, I really appreciate people who do say please and thank you, where possible. It’s always nice to be acknowledged or to know if something you said was helpful/funny/ridiculous – you can talk to someone direct by including @theirname in your message; give it a try.

8) Use hashtags to find things of interest

A hashtag is a symbol that is used to group or collate tweets around that topic. You can then click on a #hashtag and see all tweets related to that topic, you can put them anywhere in a tweet, as long as they are preceded by the # symbol. When demoing the potential powers and wonderfulness of twitter yesterday we looked at a hashtag from a recent conference I’d spoken at. We also looked at #lazyweb, a hashtag that people tend to use to ask the web for an answer, when they’re too lazy to find it themselves e.g. Anyone recommend a good quality, cheap external hard drive? #lazyweb

9) Don’t worry about unfollowing people

When you follow someone on twitter, if their profile is set to notify them they may get an email to say you have started following them. This allows them to get in touch and say hello, see who is interested, and can be useful for keeping up to date. However, twitter doesn’t send a message or email if you un-follow someone. This means that you can follow and un-follow at your leisure if someone doesn’t interest you, if they tweet too much, if they are rude or offensive to you. You can have a look at someone’s recent tweets by looking at their profile but the easiest way to decide whether you should follow someone could be to just give it a go, and un-follow if you’re not keen.

10) Add a photo and biography 

I suspect (this is made up evidence, based on my own behaviour) more people will engage with you if you include a photo/image on your profile. To add one, go to profile-settings-profile and pick an image to use. Likewise with a biography, I find it really helpful as a way to identify people, and to check whether they might be of interest to me – you can only put a few lines, but it’s worth a try.

Yesterday when demonstrating the wonderfullness (this may be a made up word) of twitter I asked people for their hints and tips and reasons for using twitter. I’ll add those into a post in the next few days, as there were some great suggestions that you may be interested in. For now, happy tweeting.

Tempting fate this Christmas?

It’s that time of year when most people in the UK are preparing for Christmas, or fighting the societal need to do so! I used to love Christmas when I was a child, and even into early adulthood, it was a chance to get together as a family, to see friends not seen that much throughout the year, to return home to Torquay when I was living away, and generally to be sociable. In the last few years Christmas has lost a little of its shine, I’m not sure whether it’s a side effect of various family members being old and/or ill, not having young children of my own, working so hard that the real delight is having three days away from work rather than anything else, and/or whether its something to do with our family now being spread out a bit more and therefore the balance needing to be struck between wanting to get together, but everyone also wanting to lead their own lives.

Not sure really, but this year I’m determined to have a good Christmas. I’m forcing myself to do some Christmassy things – next weekend I’m borrowing some of my best mates children to take them to the nativity play at Pennywell Farm, I’m also going to the Army Cadet Christmas Carol Service with mum and dad. We’re having a mini-excuse for fun and food at work and indeed a Secret Santa.  Most importantly I suppose, my Dad has made it (so far so good) to another Christmas.

Bobby J was diagnosed as terminally ill about 18months ago, first having been diagnosed with cholangiocarcinoma (bile duct cancer) just over four years ago. Last November I wrote about my feelings about Dad’s cancer having no cure, in it I referred to the fact that Christmas 2010 was likely to be his last, and none of us dared even think he wouldn’t make that. Here we are, twelve months later, and I’m torn between celebrating the fact that it looks like Dad will see Christmas 2011 with a completely irrational fear about tempting fate. I don’t believe in fate, Correction, I’d like to think I don’t believe in fate, yet the reality is I get nervous about saying that out loud – in case I tempt fate. Ridiculous I know.

Up until a few days ago I was confident Dad would be here for Christmas, in fact my mind doesn’t actually allow me to think anything but that. The reality of living with cancer, and someone being terminally ill, is that you can’t ever know anything for sure. So while I’m confident that Dad will be here, I’m also just trying to reserve a little bit of my enthusiasm and acceptance of that fact, to sort of prepare for the possibility that he might not be. That, or worse still, that he’ll get ill over Christmas. As much as I love the NHS, and I really do, my experience to date of their Christmas service has been fantastically, generous and brilliant people, doing their best on skeleton staff with skeleton resource – which actually means it gets fairly scary at times.

I guess as I come to the end of this reflection, the crux of the matter is that you’re faced with a choice if you, or someone you love, has a degenerating or terminal illness at this time of year. You can try and prepare yourself for the possibility that they may not make it, or they may get ill, or you can chose to ignore that reality and just hope it won’t happen. I think this year I’m going to throw myself fully into trying to get into the Christmas spirit, and just keep a little of the concern in the back of my mind, as preparation for the possible alternative. Above all else though I’m going to be grateful, truly grateful, that my Dad is here with us now, on 10 Dec 2011, that we’ve had all this extra time that we didn’t expect to have with him.

I’m still struggling with the age old question of what to buy a dying man for Christmas; for his 63rd birthday I made him chocolate brownies, for his 64th I brought him an Atlas of Remote Islands, a beautiful book of 50 remote and isolated islands that few people would ever visit, only for him to proudly announce he’d stopped at one when he was in the Navy! So it’s that time of year again, I’ll keep thinking about what to get him, but any suggestions would be very welcome.

The ‘true’ North East

Growing up in the Westcountry my geographical knowledge is probably at best described as ropey! I never really felt like I had to learn where anything was (with the exception of the Kingdoms of Devonshire and Cornwall) because everything was ‘up north’. Well last weekend I ventured to the proper North East and spent the weekend exploring the delights of the Cairngorms, the Balmoral Estate, the Highlands and Stonehaven which has to be one of the jewels of Aberdeenshire.It was a great weekend, there was a tiny flurry of snow, proper cold wind, winter sun and bright blue skies. I thought I’d share a few of my fave pics:

Sheep in the snow at Mar Lodge

Loch Muick with the mist coming in

Midday sun at St Cyrus Beach

Dunnottar Castle

Stonehaven War Memorial