What to buy a dying man for Christmas?

This is the first year I’ve not faced this dilemma as my amazing Dad passed away last month (you can read his eulogy here if you’re interested) but I’ve noticed that a post I wrote a couple years ago What do you buy a dying man for his birthday? has had a lot of interest recently and so I thought I’d up date it and offer some ideas.

If you are reading this because you have to buy a present for someone who is dying, please accept my sympathies. If you’re reading it because you are trying to buy for a man who doesn’t want anything, please accept my sympathies. In fact if you’re reading this for any reason that involves present buying, please accept my sympathies. I’m not a natural shopper, I don’t find buying pressies for the men in my life particularly easy, never have done. The fact that someone you love is dying is hard to face, Christmas present shopping (at least before I took the amazon approach) is just as hard. Christmas present buying for someone who is dying is doubly hard, at least.

Don’t panic though, I have a couple of thoughts and some practical advice and ideas to offer if you’re interested….

Firstly, it really doesn’t matter. I know it means a lot to you, I know you care (otherwise why are you reading this), but it’s for those reasons that it doesn’t really matter what you get or do. In the big scheme of things exchanging gifts is either something done out of duty, or something that you do to show you care….so don’t focus so much on the ‘what should I get’, and don’t over think it. I’m reasonably confident that the person you are buying for will be flattered that you bothered to think of them at all.

Secondly, the things that most people value are the things that you can’t buy, or that take thought but not too much money. Spending time together, compiling photo albums, reminiscing, being on the end of a phone or email. My Dad took as much enjoyment from a hand crafted picture from my niece as he would have from any expensive present.

OK, I get it, this isn’t helping, you know all this but what present should you buy?

I think there are a range of options and only you will know what works for your person. Work your way through these categories and see if anything grabs ya:

1. What they like – just ignore the fact they’re dying I’m not being sarcastic. My Dad was always hard to buy for because he never really bothered with possessions, so this dilemma was heightened by his terminal diagnosis but it wasn’t entirely new. So on the occasions we carried on as normal we brought him sweets, books, slippers and socks. If they like a flutter think of lottery tickets, scratch cards, or a bet. After all Christmas is still Christmas.

2. Make something This is a little in keeping with the earlier thoughts. Buying a box of chocolate brownies from Tesco may not be up there on the top of the thoughtful present list, but handmade double chocolate brownies in a nice box, tied with a ribbon, goes a long way. Depending on the situation the person you’re buying for may not be able to eat, but making anything is a winner. How about a collage of photos, pictures and drawings.

3. Gather memories We all know we’re dying if we stop to think about it long enough, and I think it’s a human instinct to want to preserve memories and history. My Dad got very interested in ancestry in the last year of his life, strangely he was focusing on my Gran’s family rather than his own, but he did seem to get very into it. Perhaps you could consider a present along that line, or make up a history book with blank spaces for the person to fill in and leave behind. My Dad recorded some of his earliest memories, from before he met Mum, and they’ve been great to read….he wasn’t an academic man, and sure there are spelling mistakes and the grammar is rusty, but it is sooo Dad, and is a lovely record to have.

4. Give connection This is a really powerful one if you can pull it off. I’m not sure whether it was last Christmas or the one before, but my brother and his girlfriend bought my parents a wifi photo frame. My Mum wasn’t sure about it at the time, and it was a hassle because brother had to arrange for them to get wifi fitted to use it. That said, if I could buy one present only for someone in Dad’s situation again, it would be to get one. It brought so much joy to my parents as each of us kids sent them photos from wherever we were in the world, it was a talking point and a memory box all in one, and by the time Dad was unable to leave his bed it was a complete lifeline – I wrote about it here. You don’t need technology to do it either, there are numerous postcard apps now that allow you to send your photos for printing as postcards, with a message, to arrive a few days later – a little less instant, but equally well received when we tried them out on holiday.

5. Entertainment I’m not sure that this would work for everyone, but if there is one constant with healthcare and illness, it’s time spent waiting. So any presents that fill that gap are worthwhile – if your person is a reader then you could go for books, book vouchers, a kindle (they’re much easier to hold for long periods than a heavy book and the charge lasts for ages); if they like music how about an ipod, or a CD, or an audiobook; if they are likely to remain in one place you can think bigger/longer term/less portable – puzzles and a bed board, model kits, crafting – whatever they like, but beware fine motor skills; you could also go for films or DVDs, but if they’re in a shared space don’t forget the headphones that make it more bearable for everyone else!

6. Help others There are numerous schemes around nowadays that allow you to donate to charity, or gift a practical present/tool/piece of equipment to someone who needs it more. You can sponsor children, adopt an animal, or lend money to a new enterprise. Any of these gifts put the focus on the longer term which may well be welcomed by someone facing the end of their life. I’m not sure as I didn’t get one of these for Dad, but I can see that some people might like it.

7. Give blood Finally, and arguably more importantly, there is something that you can get them at no cost except your own time. Something that could benefit them, and many others. You could give blood. My Dad received numerous transfusions through the course of his illness. In his last few months, he was kept alive and enabled a good death with the support of 44 strangers who donated the 44 units of blood that he received. If you really want to give something amazing this Christmas, click this link and register to donate blood, you could change someones life forever. If you’re not in the UK then try the American Red Cross site for more info.

I’ll end my returning to my earlier point, it really doesn’t matter. Spend time, let the person know you care, reassure them that you’ll be around to support their friends and family when they’re gone, remember them, take lots of photos (I gave up avoiding the camera once we knew Dad was terminally ill and I’m so glad that we all feature in photos and I wasn’t always hiding behind the lens), carry on as normal, acknowledge life isn’t normal, just be yourself and do your best….and remember to enjoy Christmas. I hope you find the gift you’re looking for and have a happy and healthy festive season.

Jubilation weekend

I was just looking at my blog and realising how full it is of cancer, death and dying. Now sure I’m cool with talking about that stuff but it does give (even me) the impression that my life must be horrendously difficult. That’s not to say it isn’t at times, but it is only at times, some of the time I get to enjoy normal stuff as well and in the past six weeks despite my Dad’s and my Grandad’s health declining quite significantly I also got a long weekend away for the Jubilations (nice of Her Maj to give us an extra day off and even nicer to move it to that weekend – my birthday was the following Wednesday).

I thought I’d share a few of my favourite photos from that weekend, as a reminder that life is sort of normal too, in amongst all the doom and gloom. There was a lot of food:

a lot of Baby Jack:

and a lot of Ruby:

I’ll not share photos of the impact of having Jack (and his 24 hour stomach bug) with us, suffice to say about three of the eight adults managed a crash diet that weekend and it wasn’t due to the alcohol, even though there was quite a lot of that also.

It is really hard to take time away when you don’t know what will happen at any moment, but it was also a perfect tonic to quite a hectic few weeks. The only downside was that I couldn’t visit Dad for a week, until I was completely sure I was short of Jack’s bugs, not that in itself that was a problem either because it probably just added to my sense of having a break. I just wish I could give my Mum the chance to have that break, as we come into Carers Week I’m more aware than ever of the toll that Dad’s illness and my Grandparent’s increasing frailty is having on her. I’m off to visit her the family this afternoon and will again encourage her to try and take some time out. It’s absolutely essential.

Foodie hotel recommendations please

A couple weeks ago I asked the twittersphere for recommendations of foodie hotels that are either good for staying in, or visiting for nosh. A number of people replied with recommendations, but unfortunately I’ve lost their twitter tags so apologies if you sent one of these and aren’t getting your deserved credit. Here are the hotels that were recommended:

Gilpin Lodge, Lake District

Also in the Lake District was Lindeth Howe Country House Hotel, a former home of Beatrix Potter. Slightly further south the Star Inn, North Yorkshire was recommended:

There was one Welsh offering - Morgans Hotel, Swansea billed as a boutique hotel in the maritime quarter. There were also two Westcountry recommendations:

Cary Arm’s in Babbacombe, owned by Peter de Savary is the Inn on the Beach, with 5 AA stars and 5 Visit Britain stars it’s absolutely stunning – I’ve eaten here a few times too and it is lovely, especially when you can dine outside in the summer evenings.

The final offering was Old Quay House, Fowey overlooking the estuary.

I’m going to keep updating this post so if you have any recommendations you’d like included please just send me a tweet or add a comment. If you check any of these out please also let me know what you thought. Thanks.

Fitbit – Jiminy Cricket on a belt clip

I got a fitbit for Christmas, it didn’t arrive until early January, but it was well worth the wait. I absolutely love it, in fact I think it’s one of the best pressies I’ve ever received…high praise indeed.

A what I hear you ask? What is it? Why is it so cool? And why does this post start with Jiminy Cricket?

Well the fitbit is a fancy pedometer, an activity tracker, my new found conscience and motivator all rolled into one. It’s not just a pedometer though, it counts steps and stairs (elevation) climbed, and calories burned. It also allows you to track your food consumption, weight and BMI. The fitbit works in conjunction with the website and an app if you wish to use that.

That’s not all though, it allows you to manage your data over time, so you can look back and identify trends. It also allows you to complete a journal, to measure your mood each day, and allergies if you suffer from those too. Even more excitingly, you can wear it on your wrist at night and track your sleep – telling you how long you sleep for, how long it takes you to fall asleep (or to lie still so the fitbit thinks you’re asleep), how often you wake in the night and judging your sleep efficiency. I love this aspect of the fitbit and it’s really helping with my challenge to myself to get more sleep this year. Here was my sleep on one night this weekend – I’m blaming a combination of Mogs and my partying neighbours for the interruptions, but it’s good to see proof.

The other thing I love about the fitbit is the trivia and the reward badges. Stairs are measured in fun terms eg 6 floors – you have climbed the Tallest Dinosaur, come on who wouldn’t want to measure the amount of floors climbed by dinosaurs, or pyramids, or buildings. I’ve included two sample days below:

In an attempt to convince you of how wonderful the fitbit data is I’ve included a day from a few weeks ago, when I was on holiday and out walking the Scottish hills. That said it is quite fun to challenge myself on days when I’m at work and less active, to see whether I can increase the flights of stairs I walk up each week (I’ve never been up and down to the photocopier as often as I have this year), or to see how many steps I can take. The other brilliant feature is that you can ‘friend’ people on fitbit and your data is compared on a weekly basis, which supports friendly rivalry.

My fitbit was a pressie so I didn’t spend £80 on it – that said I’d spend that tomorrow if I didn’t have one. In fact earlier today I thought I’d lost it (I eventually found it under my car – note to self, make sure it is clipped on properly) and would buy one in an instant. I’m not saying it would work for everyone, but it is definitely working for me. If you’re not sure go talk to the people at @fitbit and see if they can tempt you.

Innovation and a curry – what’s not to like?

The return of #innopints is upon us – tonight a few of us are meeting in the innovation hotbed that is Newton Abbot, for drinks, curry, social and a bit of chat, some of which may well be about innovation. A few of us have met once before and decided we’d like to meet up again – so there we have it, the return of #innopints was born.

The plan is to meet at the Eastern Eye at 7pm. It’s stumbling distance from the train station, come out and head towards town (that’s on your right as you leave the station) and it is about 4mins walk on your left hand side – you’ll probably smell it before you see it as there are several curry houses on that stretch. There should also be parking on the road outside, or there is a car park a few minutes away. To make it easier for people to find I’ve made a little map – the icon for the venue is green, the car park blue and the train station should be obvious.

The people I have down as attending are @martinhowitt @carlhaggerty @psweetman @JohnWLewis @robjglover and @phillirose with a possible from @dalekdoctor @samnixson @fergusbisset and Adrian Wood. I reckon if we meet at 7pm we can hold off ordering mains until 7.30pm  to allow as many people as possible to get there – if you’re on this list and know you definitely won’t make it please can you let me know so we don’t wait for you! Even better if you’re not on the list but would like to be, shout now and I’ll get a bigger table.  Looking forward to it.

(cc) Photo by WordRidden on flickr – this wasn’t taken at the Eastern Eye but I’m sure it would be just as good!

If only canteen food always tasted this good

This weekend I headed to River Cafe Canteen at Axminster. I’ve been a couple of times now and keep coming back – so something must be good. I thought I’d blog this time, mostly because I’ve got some piccies of the food that I thought you might enjoy.

First up the actual canteen space. I love it, the perfect mix between a proper nasty old school canteen, and a fabulous nice cafe; blackboards, bunting, wooden tables, can’t go wrong.

Next up starters, we had one Pork and Bacon Terrine:

Cornish Blue and Roast Butternut Squash:

River Cafe Ham and Shredded Red Cabbage:

and one Crab on Toast:

In a party of six, we had four people tempted by the Sausage, Lentils and Salsa Verde:

Mussels cooked with Bacon and Cider:

Cottage Pie with Greens:

with a side order of Chips:

The two desserts that proved popular were, Apple Crumble with Vanilla Custard:

and Chocolate Mousse with Brandy Cream:

All of this was accompanied by a couple drinks and coffee and a trip to buy some coronary clogging delicious cheese and bread on the way home. So, what’s the verdict, well I’ve been to the canteen three times and will definitely be back again. That said I thought they were understaffed in the canteen, which meant that service wasn’t as attentive as it could be. For example, I really don’t mind standing in a queue, but when I get to the front of it I’d like to be acknowledged and told how long I will be waiting for a table. Again, there was gorgeous looking bread up near the counter, we weren’t offered any (maybe we should have asked) but if our waitress had a little more time I can’t help but think she’d have offered some or explained whether bread was or wasn’t included. So, the food was fantastic, the atmosphere was great, the wait was bearable (and well worth it), the service was good but it felt like they could have done with another pair of hands on the canteen floor.

That said, I’d definitely recommend a trip if you’ve not already been – you can judge for yourself then.

4square pizza – ideas please

I’ve blogged once or twice about the Pizza Cafe in Newton Abbot – they’re the absolute best place to get pizza for miles around. In fact I’ve had people visit from all over and I don’t think anyone has ever been disappointed, their pizzas are amazing.

The Pizza Cafe is small and independent, they have one restaurant and also offer a delivery service. They also have a dedicated fan base with over 3000 admirers on their facebook page and a thousand people interacting with them on twitter. They have yet to dive into foursquare and in a twitter discussion the other week I agreed to have a think about how they could use it and put some ideas together. The first three of these ideas are included below but I’d really appreciate other people’s thoughts and suggestions, so please do share and comment.

What is foursquare?

Foursquare is a social networking tool that allows it’s users to connect with each other, with locations, services and products through check-ins on the web. As of last month (stats from foursquare Sept 2011) there were over 10 million people in the community worldwide, over a billion check-ins and over 500,000 businesses using the merchant platform to connect with their business.

How does it work?

There is no point me trying to explain this when the following site from the foursquare site does it so much better. It’s only two minutes long:

How could Pizza Cafe Newton (or any other business) use it?

Idea 1 – reward for the mayor. The mayor is the person who has the most check-ins over the preceding 60 days. Some businesses offer rewards to their mayor, maybe a free pizza each month or a free side order for the mayor whenever they come into the restaurant. The Pizza Cafe already offer one free pizza to their facebook/twitter fans each month – drawn randomly, which is a nice way of keeping everyone engaged, this reward would be more focused on customers who actually visit the restaurant.

Idea 2 – special offer for anyone who checks-in on a *insert your day*, let’s go for Wednesday. This would allow those who come to the restaurant and check-in via foursquare a reward, they would need to check-in to get the special but the reward would be available for anyone searching foursquare to view. So if I was visiting Newton Abbot on a Wednesday and didn’t know where to go eat, it might encourage me to visit the Pizza Cafe.

Idea 3 – special offer Monday – the Pizza Cafe already have a great offer on a Monday between 6-9pm. Two courses, for two people for £19.95. Now that is already a complete bargain and they already offer free drinks to those who mention facebook or twitter when they book their table. They could have a similar offer for foursquare customers – some of whom don’t use twitter or facebook so wouldn’t know about the deal otherwise.

What to do next?

Step 1 – Claim your venue. In the case of the Pizza Cafe they already have a page here, so they just need to visit the merchant site to claim the page

Step 2 – Create a special to reward loyal or new customers

Step 3 – Visit the merchant dashboard to monitor statistics about how many people are checking in, total over time, most frequent visitors, gender breakdown, time of day most popular with foursquare users etc. I have a feeling that I might feature in this data! I’ve not seen the dashboard but I’m confident it could give useful data for any business.

Step 4 – Celebrate extending your social media reach with a pizza Sit back and let your customers do the rest.

Curry creation

I realised this week that it has been too long since I cooked a meal from scratch, well with the exception of the roast I did the other week! When life gets hectic and busy I tend to cut corners and live off pasta and pesto…or worse still,  crackers, crisps  and houmous. I have been away a lot in August, for work during the week or for social and weddings at the weekend, consequently I have got lazy and avoided supermarket shopping. I know better than to cut back on Maslow’s hierarchy – it’s not like I’ve gone without meeting the physiological need for food, but the self-actualisation and esteem that comes from baking or creating a meal is something that I have been missing.

So last night, to put things right, I set out to cook a curry. I cheated and bought bhajis and peshwari naan from the shops, despite buying all I needed to make them from scratch, but I started too late and ran out of time. I did however manage to make Andhra Chilli Chicken:

and three different chutneys with pitta bread chips, La Simla Mirch Chutney, Hara Chutney and Cucumber, Chilli and Mint Raita:

Tonight I’m making plum, walnut and pecan crumble and tomorrow I might do some baking. It’s simple really, providing for primary needs, but I felt such a feeling of satisfaction – if you’ve not baked or cooked for a while, take the time and go do it. It definitely recommend it – well worth the effort!

The secret ingredient is love

I’ve spent this weekend at a wedding in Suffolk and had the chance to watch a craftswoman at work! Betty had offered to make her cousin and his wife their wedding cake as their wedding gift. They were delighted to accept and had a particular idea about what they wanted – three tiers of chocolate cake covered in white chocolate cigarellos and white roses. You can see the end result below:

How much do you think that cake is worth? Go on, what you reckon? £100? £200? £300? £400? Annoyingly I’m not going to give you the answer – mostly because I don’t know. Depending on where you live, and the quality of ingredients you’d like used, that cake could easily cost you anything between £200-500.

A few years ago I made my little sister’s wedding cake – she’s got modest tastes (not) and wanted four tiers. The bottom tier was fruit cake, followed by double chocolate cake, victoria sandwich and topped with lemon drizzle cake. Her husband is in the Army and she met him at Army Cadet Summer Camp (she was an adult instructor – nothing dodgy) hence the camouflage ribbon and little hearts. You can see it here:

What I can tell you is that the ingredients alone cost over £150 – I’m not a professional and don’t have access to suppliers for the things you need, so the ingredients were all from Sainsburys – yes I could have got them in Tesco or Lidl but it was a one off and my sister at that, so money was no object. So the ingredients alone – cake, marzipan, icing, dowels, cake boxes, ribbon, cake tin hire for the HUGE fruit cake – were over £150. Cost in the time, gas and stress and that cake was easily worth double that I’d say. Not to mention the number of times I did a dry run of all but the fruit cake.

The thing is when people get quotes for wedding cakes they nearly always think they’re extortionate – and to be honest I think I’d always sniff at a couple hundred quid and feel it was daylight robbery, after all anyone can bake a cake right. Well not so actually. The baking is only the first step, then there’s the icing, and the decorating, and the transporting, and the stacking, and the finishing. It really is much more complicated than you think. All of this is time consuming like you wouldn’t consider.

None of this even starts to consider the stress. The responsibility of making the centrepiece for someone else’s special day, takes a lot of the fun out of it. Watching Betty cutting, icing, stacking and decorating the wedding cake this weekend reminded me of just how stressful it is. Never again. Seriously. I did offer to help Betty out with her own cake (she’s getting married in three weeks) but she declined – and I am *so* relieved. Betty, in her real life, is a paramedic, so she’s trained to cope with stress and work under pressure – she is definitely more adept at it than I am.

My final thought is that the value of a friend or relative making your wedding cake is something that you can’t actually buy or put a cost on – it’s love, it really is a *massive* labour of love. So if you’re getting married any time soon, and someone offers to bake your wedding cake for you, please do accept, but accept graciously and spare a thought for the effort, time, cost and love that goes into it.

It’ll taste all the better once you appreciate the love that has gone into it.

 

 

Gluten Free Chocolate Brownies

The lovely @hadleybeeman was asking today if I had a gluten free chocolate brownie recipe. The truth is I don’t, but, I have adapted the Hummingbird Bakery recipe that features in their awesome Hummingbird Bakery Cookbook on three occasions – none of them came out perfectly, but they were all completely edible; let’ be honest with this much chocolate you can’t go wrong

Ingredients

200gm dark chocolate
175gm unsalted butter
325gm caster sugar
**130gm plain flour**
3 eggs
icing sugar, to decorate

a 33 x 23 x 5cm baking tray, lined with greaseproof paper

Magic

Preheat the oven to Gas Mark 3 (170C/325F)

Smash the chocolate against the worktop to break it up (very therapeutic) – put chocolate and butter in a bowl over a saucepan of simmering water (usual caution about not letting bowl touch the water but I have to confess that I’m way too impatient for that so I always make sure it is in the water, just not touching the bottom of the pan)! Leave until melted and smooth.

Take off the heat. Add the sugar and stir it all together. Then add flour** and stir until well mixed. Lightly beat the eggs and stir them into the mix until thick and smooth.

Pour/spoon into baking tray and bake in preheated oven for about half an hour – the idea is to get brownies that are soft in middle and flaky on top. I have cooked these loads of times and nearly always leave them in for too long! I check after 30mins, get concerned that the mix is still a little wobbly looking, bottle it and put them back in for five mins….only to end up with overdone brownies with crispy edges – which are still beautifully edible but not as nice as they should be.

Leave to cool before decorating with icing sugar. Serve with clotted cream, ice cream, yoghurt if you insist on pretending to be healthy, on their own. I’ve never had anyone complain about these!

**Gluten free alternatives**

As I said I’ve made these three times for those pesky people who don’t do gluten One of the times I did a straight swop for almonds, so instead of the flour just 130gm ground almonds; one of the times I replaced with a mix of half almonds and half rice flour; and one time I just used gluten free flour from Doves Farm.

IMO none of these substitutes work as well….but they were all still very edible and very yummy.

Brownie tin?

This week the ever resourceful @dalekdoctor spotted this and sent me a link to the Edge Brownie Pan – I have yet to indulge in a purchase but if I do I’ll let you know how I get on – it makes perfect sense to me as a solution for the is it raw…damn it’s crusty challenge I regularly seem to face.

Need an excuse?

Just in case you are one of those strange, restrained types who needs an excuse to get baking – don’t forget it’s @macmillancoffee today and let’s face it, we shouldn’t need a special day to eat cake or raise cash for them – they’re worth it anyday, so get baking